Friday, October 17, 2008

I Seek

I seek to discover the why to something.

Why am I drawn to certain people? Why?

Why were you drawn here to click here and read this? I'm connecting to you and you're connecting to me. It is for SOME reason. And that reason is beyond our comprehension (as least in this moment). The energy that is passing between us is real. It is ALIVE and it is carrying out its own mission, apart from us. A mission that has nothing to do with us as persons. Messages are being sent subconsciously from me to you, and you to me.

I am studying what I call the law of connectivity. I am always on the lookout for whom I'm drawn to in a crowd or group. And when I find that attractive person I ponder the whys. And when I say attractive I mean that more in the sense of energy rather than looks. I've been drawn to folks who do not even see the beauty in themselves with sunken skin and battered hearts. Attraction has no age, race, religion, or gender barrier. Attraction is pure, real, and true and happens on all levels of everything.

I've occassionally accepted the task of actually speaking to a few people that my being called out to. Each time I've touched their hearts and they have touched mine. What an intimate thing, to touch hearts. I LOVE IT!! To swim in the hearts of others! To bathe in their hearts and have bits and pieces of them gather in me as I leave bits and pieces of myself in them! Why to me, that is what life is about!

But let us redirect here back the the question...
Let's come back around to the why? WHY THE ATTRACTION IN THE FIRST PLACE? Why do some people seem to scream out to me while others fade into the scenery?
Is it chemical? Is it physical? Is it spiritual?
Is it a fluke? Is it a hoax? Is it all just nonsense?

I welcome your opinions and ideas on the subject.

~~
I need to give this amazing example.

~~
Several months ago I had a night out and ventured to the Bookstore. On the way there a thought entered my head, "I am going here because there is someone here I am suppose to meet."

As I walked into the bookstore my attraction meter kicked into high gear. I studied all the people I encountered frantically and eagerly trying to discern who this person was when another thought struck my head, "You'll know because there will be a significant sign."

Hmmm, I thought. Let us see.

So I sat down to peruse through a book forgetting the task at hand and letting the task at hand be its own thing.

As I was reading a gentleman of about 30 years ahead of me on this life path (more traditionally known as a man in his 60's) sat down across from me. I casually glanced up from my book and noticed the book he had picked up to browse through. I was frozen.

He had picked up a book that my belated grandfather owned that I now have. A book that has deep siginificance to me and my life titled, A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking!!!

At this discovery I took a deep breath, laid my book aside, and began to speak.

And the rest is another story my friends. The point is, my subconscious had a purpose that evening and I was aware enough to sense it out and listen for when and where that purpose would manifest itself.

Which also means there is a purpose to my blog post this evening. And YOUR subconscious has a purpose for seeking this post out having you read it.

Isn't that just fascinating to think about in that way!!! It's true! I know it, though I'm afraid it will take time and faith for us to discover the purposes of our connection.

in His light...

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Burning From with Inside


When I haven't had a chance to create (that is to paint) I find a place in my heart begin to burn.

As it burns my eyes become more sensitive to everything.

Shadows come to life...

Colors strike me so bright I feel as if I'll go blind...

The more days that pass without a new creation, the more intense the burning becomes.

It's as if I am coming down with a fever...

I cry at the drop of the dime at the beauty that surrounds me...

Music strikes my spirit like fingers to a guitar chord...

I become that which is inexplicable.

That which is intangible...

A force~



A force which is no longer me...



But creativity itself, screaming to be manifested in a tangible form.


I paint for I must

I paint for my heart would explode if I didn't

I paint for my love of this world

I paint for my love of this life

I paint for my love of all those whom I hold so dear to my heart...


See, words simply cannot express that which currently swirls and burns within me...

Like a hurricane, ripping me to pieces...

I can only share through the canvas

Through the paint

through my hands and heart...



~thank you for reading~

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Self-Esteem



Hmmm...
What is this thing called "self-esteem"?

Do you know?

I thought I did. Until recently.

This is my definition:

Self-esteem is the voice inside my head. What it speaks, is what I feel.

Perhaps, you've heard this before:

Thoughts are energy.



So now let's see. I have this voice inside my head and I have two choices I can make about what that voice tells me on a daily basis.

1) I can choose for it to say something positive
2) I can choose for it to say something negative


The choice I feed will be the choice internalized.

To internalize, is much like to eat. To take a thought into one's mind, "chew" on it, and swallow it into their being.

Ah, ha! So knowing all this, what do I choose?
I choose to be a childlike again!

I choose thoughts such as these:

I am wonderful.
I am great.
I am good.
I am amazing.
I am talented.
I have the world before me!
I have all the skills I need to achieve all that I set out to achieve.

And I toss violently aside thoughts such as these:

I am worthless.
I suck.
What the hell am I doing?
How did I think I could do this?
I can't do this.
I don't know anything.

I challenge you to do the same. Toss aside all that is negative.

You are wonderful.
You are amazing.
You are talented.
You have all the skills, talents, and abilities to achieve all you ever dreamed in this life!

DREAM~ACHIEVE!!!!
YOU ARE AWESOME!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Communication

I recently attended a communication seminar to help me expand my communicative abilities. It was quite a worthwhile event!
The one thing that I took away that I want to share most is this:

When you are communicating with someone you're either:

Opening the door

or

Closing the door

---

And the way to keep the door open is to make the one whom you're talking too feel safe. To protect their ego and lift them up.

All too often we forget.

~~May we all continue to lift each other up~~that' what we're here for! :D

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Stark




Stark is to be stripped down to the fundamentals. To one's essence, to one's core. When I glance upon my stark self this evening I find that I am consumed with the thought of another.

Connectivity is a mystery. We are all here for reasons beyond ourselves and we meet people, connect with people, for reasons beyond our knowing.

As I strive desperately to decipher the existential reasons of my cosmic collision with this person I find myself swimming in a sea of dreamlike thoughts.

And as I swim these thoughts I recognize, it is not my place to dechiper and know the whys. How humbling...I shall be at peace now.

See God aims for our thoughts and lives to be peaceful and simple...

Stark simplicity is one of the keys.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

To Drive



See this here...isn't it lovely? Let me share a small day in the life of crazy me. Why? Because I'm feeling particularly crazy. Let's see, I should preempt this descripton by stating that it is in NO WAY an exaggeration!
4:45am I wake up an get ready for work
5:45am Leave for work
7:20am Arrive to work
3:40pm Leave work
5:30pm Arrive at my son's school to pick him up (IF traffic is nice and smooth)
6:30pm Arrive home from work

Hmmmm, let's see.... Let's do the math on this:
5:45-7:20 That's 1 hour and 35mins
3:40-5:30 That's 1 hour and 50mins
5:30-6:30 That's 1 hour

So that equals what?
4 hours and 25 mins

FOUR HOURS AND TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES

EVERY WORK DAY

THAT I SPEND IN THE CAR AND THAT'S WHEN TRAFFIC IS GOING SMOOTH AND THERE'S NO ADDITIONAL TASKS TO TAKE CARE OF (like going to the doctor, grocery shopping, or there's a wreck backing up traffic)

I'd say something's GOTTA GIVE! Wouldn't you? I'm crazy. This proves it beyond a reasonable doubt! I live in my car and I'm SICK OF IT!!! So, if you know anyone who's looking for an excellent artist. Drop me a comment! I can work from home! ;D

Sunday, April 13, 2008

More on the Miraculous way in which Christ works!

Would you believe today, in church, as our dear Pastor spoke of Christ he used the imagery of fingerpainting! He said let Christ's blood be the paint and be cleansed in his blood, to spread the paint everywhere...to get it all over your hands and be covered in it.

What is this significance of this?

I fingerpainted the blue background of the pendant I spoke of in my previous post!!!!!! I recently have been compelled to fingerpaint in my work!

Such as this painting here:


I feel the fingerpainting made this painting a profoundly more intimate act. More of me, my energy, could be released into the canvas. Painting with a brush leaves more to the mind than to the body...and the body is the bridge of the spirit to the world. I firmly believe that people love pieces of work, not for what they are techincally, but what kind of energy they absorb from viewing it.

I now see that fingerpainting is Christ's way of being able to work through me. That I am in prayer when I paint that way and I was in prayer as I painted this painting:



Which also means I was in prayer when I painted that dear blue pendant!

Thank you God, I see in what way you want me to move that will reveal your visions for the world...

It's time to get to fingerpainting!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

How Blessings Work

Blessings can come from the most unexpected places.

First of all I had the blessing of this dear pendant of mine popping up on Etsy's front page:


In the best place possible too! In the little photos here:



Why is this the best place possible? Because these little pictures click to the item and people can buy! Its gives you the most maximum chance of exposure for the longest time. See if you're in a treasury on the Front Page, you'll only have maximum exposure for 4-6 hours (depending on how long the admin keep that list on the front page). But with these little photos, you're exposed for as much as 4 weeks (depending on how often they run the bot that goes through and pulls images that meet the requirments to fill these spots.) Now you're only exposed every 16 or so screen refreshes, but nevertheless YOU'RE ON THE FRONT PAGE! And if you know anything about ETSY, THIS IS THE BEST THING POSSIBLE (besides being in a treasury on the front page or being a featured seller)

Now on with the other blessings that revolve around this pendant.

It was purchased by someone who shall remain anonomyous to be given as gift to someone else. They wanted me to send this note with the package:
"K----,
I admire you for your obedience to the Lord and hope that this small gift is an encouragement and blessing to you!"

I did as requested and this note spawned a candid conversation with the buyer. Through my interaction with the buyer and this whole experience I have learned much about myself, God, and power of connectivity. God has reasons for all the people we meet in our lives. I'm still uncovering the reasons why I've meet both the buyer and recipient of the pendant. Well I haven't officially met the owner of the pendant, but I was directed to her blog where she candidly and beautifully shared her love of the pendant and excactly why she loved the pendant.

Those blog posts have since been removed from her site to be kept for her eyes only, and I am thankful to have gotten to read them and her words shall be a treasure in my heart always.

See, she revealed to me that a prayer of mine is being answered.
I have prayed painfully for quite sometime now for God show me the way. For Christ to fill me and move me to paint visions of His immaculate will. I am here to paint His visions, to paint new visions of God for this world.
I've prayed to be a vessel of His will and amazingly enough I am being filled by Him!

This pendant touched K----'s heart in just that way. She spoke of how the tree symbolized the Cross and how the blue spoke of freedom and how the tree was with no leaves, fruitless~ ready to be filled.

Filled with Holy Spirit. I recognize now that when I paint, it is a prayer. My hands pray to God and I am filled with the Holy Spirit. Christ opens me and works through me and brings forth that which the world needs to see.

I am humbled. I love Him and pray to always be moved. That even through my utter failures and continual sin, I shall be cleansed through Christ and allowed to paint for Him again.

This dear pendant is a blessing to me, it is a blessing to the buyer, and it is a blessing to the recepient.

I pray that all my work reach out for Him and touch lives with His light and bring hope and peace to many...

I want to touch the world, for Him.

Look, here is the pendant. On the dear person who has blessed me and doesn't even know it:



I close this post in tears. Tears of joy, love, and blessings.

May you be moved in His grace and light.

Blake

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Migraines




I've mentioned this before. Migraines. I am plagued with them. And they've gotten worse as I've grown older, though thankfully, they have decreased in frequency.

Today I had the misfortune of awaking to a migraine. I went to bed with a headache and figured I would sleep it off. Well, that wasn't the case.

I woke up at 4:30am to a pain above my right eyebrow that felt like someone was taking an axe to my head. This is no exaggeration. I got up and fixed a tiny bowl of cereal thinking I would eat this little cereal, take some ibuprofern, and in 20 minutes or so be pain free.

Well, just the chewing action of the cereal brought on the nausea. Within the hour I found myself huddled around the toilet awating the grand painful finale as what usually happens when my migraines reach Catagory 5 status.

Yep I use the hurricane scale to define the intensity of these things. I think that helps non-migraine suffers be able to relate.

Other migraine suffers can tell ya, something about the vomiting eases the pain and makes the headache begin to fade. It is so strange.


Unfortunately, that was not the case for me today. The headache did not subside after I vomited and I found myself yet again at ye old flushie puking my brains out.
This migraine lasted until about 4:30 this afternoon. And the only reason I was able to calm it down then was because I was able to eat something and take some ibuproferen before it flared back up to vomiting status.

Days like to today are soooooo long. They take forever. It's interesting how time slows down when one is in pain.

I must mark this migraine. It is offically the worst one I've ever had simply because of its duration. I wouldn't necessarily say it was the most painful one, but the length of it was a nightmare.

So here I am, about to retire to bed praying that when I awake in the morn, it will not be to this same wretched headache!

Pray for me!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

God



Yes, I believe in God, I believe in Christ. I am a sinner and am terribly imperfect and strive painfully everyday to be perfect~to be Christ-like. These facts I've never shared openly to world. See, I've observed that it's primarily unacceptable to be a believer...it's a "turn-off" to folks. They don't want to hear it, they don't want to know what you have to say about it. They just want to be left alone and unpressured.

I get it, that's why I've held this to myself for sooooo many years.

I can't any more. God is speaking to me, Christ is speaking to me in such a way that I can't hold it in.

I have questioned whether I believe many times. I have tried to dismiss Him and walk on my own and intentionally have choosen wrong choices as I strayed. I have fought Him in soooo many ways. Intellect against Faith. Whew what a wretched battle. I am so thankful He forgives.

But I've always returned to the Father after I ask myself deep down in the core of my being if I believe. And always, without hesitation, a soft loving "Yes" resonates back up.

"Yes, I believe. I feel it, I know it, I am it. I am Yes."

God/Christ is the only Truth that I can feel straight to the core of my being. Whenever I ask myself any other questions of Truth, I find that they are relative. The are left up to more information, or a different interpretation...all my ideas that I value as truth are constantly questioned by everthing I learn anew.


Just like the sun, my truths are molten gases~shifting and transforming as my mind heats up and generates new ideas and makes links of new truths to past truths and discards that which are no longer truths~

But not with Christ. Not with God. When you take all those molten, fluid layers of ideas and relative truths away from me

He is the one core truth in me. The stone. The center and foundation.

How amazingly comforting.

To have a center and be certain of it. Thank you God.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Does Beauty Really Fade?

First off let me share this emotion jolting video by an extremely talented musician I've followed on YouTube over the past year an a half:



This dear video is sad and beautiful. Though the message in this video seems to be one of great sorrow I must concede that this video revealed a side of life to me that was once in the shadows. I look to older people (men and women) and see their beings now, instead of their bodies. I see their youth, I see their beauty...for it is all still there, shining as violently vibrant as when they were all in their delicate youth.

The passage of time has only happened to their bodies. Their beings have not aged.

I find that I'm at in interesting age. I'm too old to wear my hair in pigtails (at least too old for it to be socially acceptable). I'm now too old to be cruising around with the windows down and music filling the sky...Yet I'm also too young to be considered a middle-aged adult. Too young to be respected for any age and wisdom.

I suppose that's a good thing for I still do these things that are labeled "too young" for my age. Why? For I feel no older than I did 10 years ago...and it's a pretty sure bet that I'll continue to do these things long into my fourtys and fiftys. Why? For I see no "sense" to letting the world tell me how old to feel. How can they know? Why do they care? Why aren't they allowing their spiritual age to be their guide instead of how old their spiritual vessels (bodies) are?

I can't help it, I will feel as young as I am! It is an incredibly personal thing that NO ONE can decide for me!

So I say:

LIVE!
JUMP!
DANCE!
SING!
PLAY!

Be that child inside that has never "grown up." That' who we REALLY ARE!!!!

So now to the question "Does Beauty Really Fade?"

Only if we choose it to. Only if we stop seeing the world in all it's intricate beauty.


Love,

Blake

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A Shout OUT

Etsy~
Ever heard of it? Hmmmmm, you should.

I'm not going to go on about it because I'll be on here for days so let me give you a gentle nudge to the place:

www.etsy.com

Now, as for the marketplace, it's just lovely. But the purpose of this post is to give some props to a dear international friend:

BONZIE

We met and bonded on ole etsy and if there is one thing that I could purchase from her one day it would be this!


Couture Handmade Wedding Ensemble




Couture Handmade Wedding Ensemble



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Description


This one of a kind bridal ensemble is absolutely magical! Steeped with victorian charm and ethereal elegance it is going to be a head turner for any bride.

As this item is from my couture label I would be delighted to answer any queries via convo. If you are honestly interested in a bonzie couture bridal creation please get in touch to talk about all the finer details.

***********************************************************
BONZIE
INDEPENDENT IRISH DESIGN LABEL WITH A ROMANTIC VINTAGE FLAVOUR
***********************************************************

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Thoughts, Thoughts, Who's got the thoughts?

I do! :D

Actually, we all do. I'm coming to grips with this finally. I'm currently reading a few books I thought I would share:

On Desire -Why We Want what we Want
The Power of Full Engagment
Please Understand Me II
Idiot's Guide to Body Language

Um, I can't believe I bought any sort of "idiot's guide" book, I've always been completely discusted by their use of that in their title. How insulting, no one is an idiot! Alas I did. It's an interesting read indeed! Actually, all these books are!
I wish I had about 200 extra hours in a day, boy I could sure get everything done then! lol

I'm in a strange mood this evening...ah perhaps I always am.

The Please Understand Me II book is a book about personality types and temperments. I am so thankful of all that I've learned already and I've only skimmed sections. This book is not only helping me understand myself and my husband, but also all those other people that I have such an incedulous time relating to. Especially Guardians. They are so completely different from me...ah....I must say I was once a guardian, perhaps that's why I refuse to relate to them anymore.

It's soooo difficult. I express a thought and then re-evaluate it and determine that perhaps that's not my final thought on the subject. Such as just now, I no longer believe I refuse to relate to them. Guardians are that way by nature, my story of being a guardian is quite different from what they could tell me of their lives.

See I forced myself to be a guardian type all my youth and early life, and I was plagued with migraines and obessive negative thoughts and on and on....ah I can't explicate it for I feel a headache coming on recounting it. I had no clue that I was forcing this upon myself, I thought it was my way of being~but boy was I wrong!

I now live more true to my being thanks to a book that opened a whole new world to me. Sorry don't feel comfortable sharing that book just yet to the world wide web. I still experience migraines, they're actually more intense than they've ever been. But the one good thing about it is they are a lot less frequent than they use to be....whew

Okay, if you haven't noticed I'm in a rambling type mood this evening. Flow of consciousness.

You know what is so incredibly awesome about Etsy is that I am capable of being extroverted in a totally intoverted way! There's a lot to study about people's behaviours in regard to internet communication. Wow....the complexity and realms to explore~!

Well, I had a greater purpose of posting this blog this evening. First off, it has been a crazy long time since my last post. And now...my point of this blog post......

This Please Understand Me II book has helped me grasp that we are each incredibly unique and multifaceted and dear treasures. I may have talents that differ from yours, but that falls far from the point. The point, we all have wonderful talents that were given to us by God. And our purpose here in this life is to identify those amazing talents and exercise them to the greatest extent we can.

Watch out world. I have identified the gifts my precious Lord has bestowed upon me and I am determined to not keep them to myself. That's because I recoginze that these talents are not my own, they are not for me. They are for the world. I am here to serve a purpose greater than myself and I am humbly honored to live out such a path.

Oh there is one other thing you MUST know. If you have read this, it is because God deemed it your time to finally uncover this amazing secret:

You are one of His prescious pearls ready to be polished and ready to shine to the world! Recognize your talents and employ them! (~meaning take out your shining cloth and get to shining!)

As always, thank you for your precious time and reading.

Dandelion Ring of Life Pendant




Dandelion Ring of Life Pendant



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