Love

I wonder how many others can relate.

Love strikes me in so many ways. The chords of a song, the flitter of a butterfly, the casual smile of a stranger.

I love so many. I love so much.

People
Thoughts
Glances
The swish of the paint upon the canvas
This song

People strike me in the same way as music. I see them dance, I see their hearts, I see their thoughts floating into the sky. Delicate beings, dancing as best they can to this song of life.

Who knows. Perhaps I'm just insane.
Perhaps I'm hopelessly lost in my own perception of things. Everhow hard I try to be out of myself and experience truth for truth's sake.

I suppose that's why I'm forced to paint.

I sit here staring at this blank screen, painfully trying to describe this thing wrapped around my heart. Ah, it is something I'll have to paint to explain I suppose.

It's as if a net has been cast around my heart and is being pulled tight so as to cause my heart to squeeze and bulge through each little diamond-shaped space. As if in any moment it will burst and all the flowers and butterflies will come billowing out.

Flowers and butterflies
Songs and dandelions
All the treasures I have stored away in my heart to take joy from at any given moment of any given day.
Ah, the treasures. His smile, her smile. That sunset, that sunrise. The scent of morning dew. The leaves that wisped across the interstate that day. This song.

This song. That song. So many songs...

And now I'm in tears

Do you know? Does anyone know? Know of this love? It's a universal love. It encompasses mankind, this planet, this lifeforce we're all apart of.

~sigh~

I haven't a clue if any of this makes sense. I hope it does and I apologize if it does not.

~Blake

Does Beauty Really Fade?? Revisited

Awhile back I posted about this topic. I have grown spiritually, mentally, and emotionally since then and find there is more I need to say on this topic.

Does Beauty Really Fade??

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

No one can take what you deem beautiful away from you. What you deem beautiful sings a song in your heart and brings a light to your world.

As for me, I believe we should strive to see the beauty in all beings.

Age is a process. Age is a path we all walk upon. We are shaped by it, changed by it, and can be moved by it.

One does damage to one's spirit to rebel against age or to think it bad.

Have you ever stopped to look a yourself through the lens of life? To strip away all your thoughts and preconceived notions of what beauty looks like or should look like?

Take stretch marks for instance...they are not stretch marks. They are life marks.

Have you ever looked at them for what they are?

They are beautiful! It's as if God has woven mother of pearl into my skin! Shining, colorful! They shimmer in the light!

How can something that shimmers in the light be ordained ugly?

Who decided these marks were ugly anyway??? And then who decided to mass-feed this idea to everyone?! Terriable!

My lifemarks remind me of important stages in my life...puberty...pregnancy. I embrace them, they are a part of me and my path.

I challenge you. Throw out all your ideas of beauty that you have ever been taught and glance upon your naked self with a new eye. Notice your delicate self. Notice the planet of you with hills and valleys and deserts, grasslands, and forests...

Notice beautiful, miraculous you. The embodiment of all of creation!

So does beauty fade? Well, if you ask me...

NO!!!!!

I have been moved to tears from beauty I have encountered in beings of all shapes, ages, colors, and sizes. It's all in the heart. Beauty is in the spirit.

Beauty is in being.

Fret not forever beautiful one.

Love,

Blake

The Dangerous Dance with Desire

My first idea for the title of this post was "Desire Management." I decided not to use this title because after a brief google search it pulled up links and threads that had NOTHING to do with what I wanted to share. Plus, the title seemed a bit too corporate for the subject matter I am about to discuss.


Now let's discuss Desire
In 2008 I read this book:
I use a rather unusual way of selecting books to read. I let my subconscious be the guide. I go to the bookstore and pick out the section of interest. From there I feel out the energies of the books. I allow the cover designs and titles to speak to me on a subconscious level. It is amazing what energy can be picked up on when one is looking for it.
Such was the case that caused me to pick this book out and purchase it.

I knew that within this book was answers to some questions I had been struck with.


What were these questions?


Let me first share the prelude to the questions. One random day, while driving home from work, I was struck with the terriable desire to take my vehicle to the dealership and trade it in for the exact same vehicle-except this one would have a sunroof. During that drive I found that I wanted a sunroof again so badly that I was willing to go to extreme measures (and cost) to satisfy that desire. I mean, how insane would have it been for me to take my 2 year old car and trade it in for the exact same car/just with a sunroof??? Fortunately, my reason won the battle that day and I avoided that insane decision.

But from that experience I was haunted with a guantlet of questions~
"Why the hell did I encounter such a terribly overpowering desire in the first place?"
"Why had I been attacked with such a desire, where had it come from?"
" Would I be able to fight it off if it came again?"


And as my mind began paying attention to my desires, I found that I was often attacked with insane desires of all kinds. I noticed that I was at war with myself and my desires. I was at war with how I wanted to live my life and how my desires wanted me to live.
Which caused more questions?

"Why are these overpowering desires in contradiction to my values?"
"Why can't my desires be calm and in harmony with my values and reason?"
"Why do I find that my desires take hold of me like a rapist takes hold of it's victim?"
Now I know this last question is a bit of a shocking analogy, but it is true. Desires can grab hold of you and not let go. And they can rape you and take the spirit out of you.

That is, if you let them.

But this is such a difficult topic, desire. For if one has no desire in life, one ceases to live. Yet, when one has desire, one has access to all desire. And all desires are not healthy to live out, such as well, the desire to eat ice cream for every meal of the day. Or the desire to destroy one's marriage with infidelity. Or perhaps say, the desire to randomly spend the equivalent of $30,000 on a sunroof...

So we are left with a dilemma. If we choose to be desire filled, we open ourselves up to the spectrum of desires. If we choose to be "above desire" and have no desires we find that all things are motivated by desire and thus we must cease to live if we choose to have no desire.

For the desire to eat, causes the desire to get out of bed. And the desire to earn money, causes the desire work, which causes the desire to get dressed for work, which causes the desire to take a shower....

So what are we to do?

Dance with desire. Recognize it's rhythm.
Recognize where particular desires originate from and avoid these influences.

Yes, desire managment.

Now as for this book I read, I suggest you read it if you found that you could relate to my rape analogy. It will assist you in the understanding of this strange and miraculous caveat of the human condition.

As for this blog post.
I want to reveal the most dangerous sources of desire so that you can now have the option of avoiding them. (For in avoiding these, you will help yourself reduce the bombardment of many unwanted/unecessary desires)

Television
Magazines
Radio
Malls

Now why should you avoid them? I'll outline a few reasons:

They inform you that you are not good enough. That you must lose weight, or get that new outfit, or purchase that new car in order to be a better person.

They inform you that where you live is not good enough. That you must purchase that new bigger house, or take that elaborate vacation, or have your entire yard professionally landscaped in order to have the perfect home.

They inform you that your marriage is not good enough. That you need multiple partners, that you need to fantasize about others, that you need to have affairs, in order to have a satisfying love-life.

The list is endless really. I could go on but I won't.

~~~~~~~~~~
These desire machines are terriable. They attack the spirit.
They thwart your self-image. They fill your mind with such static, that you become unable to hear your own voice.

This February, we visted the coast. While there, we walked around a new outdoor/boardwalk type mall they had built. In the window of a swimsuit shop I saw the newest terrible message.
Along the window, was a row of super slender mannequins with disproportionately large breasts. I commented to my husband. "Look, no female can have a figure like that naturally. They must obtain a breast enhancement to look that way."

It was incredible. Now, NOT only is there no chance for a young woman to achieve the "ideal" image naturally...the new "ideal" woman can only be achieved through surgical enhancement.

Do you see how far this is ingrained? Here I am talking about the "ideal" woman! All women are ideal! All men are ideal! It's not breast enhancement! It's bodily mutilation! Wow, you have to be aware of your thoughts at all times...see how sneaky desire is at working it's way into our beings? I'm making a deliberate post about it and have just encountered it, yet again, all wrapped up in myself! DANG!

Ah, it is absolutely discusting to me that those mannequins exist. I want to slap the creators of those mannequins in the face. In the moment that I glanced upon them, I felt a sharp sting to my spirit. For naturally, I was filled with desire to be that shape. The shape was rich, erotic, and compelling. But most certainly COMPLETELY UNNATURAL. And had I not been exposed to that image, I would not have encounted such violence to my spirit!

I am STILL recovering from that bout of unnatural desire. And I pain at the thought of our youth, who are too young to know themselves, who will be spiritually molded to believe they must surgically alter themselves to be good enough because of these mannequins... and the young gentlemen who will think women just grow that way or if they can't they'll just get a "boob job."

Whatever happened to I am who I am. I am rich, I am delicate, I am flawed, I am natural, I am beautiful for I am how my Creator made me be.

Thank you for reading. I do not believe I have completed this blog post, but this is all I can write for tonight.

Until next time. Take care of yourself, gentle true spirit.

In His Light,

Blake


Where to get the book:
http://www.amazon.com/Desire-Why-We-Want-What/dp/0195327071/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240704565&sr=1-1

The Law of Distraction

Ah ha! Let's talk about something familiar to us all but view it from a different perspective:

Distraction.

Or more precicely what I label

The Law of distraction.

So let's see, all things are governed by the subtle, the unthought of, the unconscious if you will, or I shall say God and these unseen governs are laws.

So what is this law of Distraction?

Firstly let's state that Distraction is defined as:
Noun
1. something that diverts the attention
2. something that serves as an entertainment
3. mental turmoil


So the law of distraction I define as:
A subtle force that pulls one away from their creative source. (And that creative source is defined as one's place in creation~one's being)

Whatever you find your "source" to be, Christ~God~Family~Budda~your principles~science...

When one is chained to this law of distraction they find themselves disconnected.

Disconnected from all they truly love.

I see this law applying itself to everything...from facebook, to blogging, to radio, and television. Magazines, billboard ads...even things as subtle as movie titles.

Now what about the law part? Well, the longer one distracts themself, the harder it becomes to regain focus, and the easier it becomes to engage in more distraction.

And what's the danger in this? Loss of connectivity with others and oneself equates to loss of life on a fundamental spiritual level.

Perhaps I've ill-defined myself here and I apologize if that is so.
My primary purpose of this post this evening is to call you observe yourself.

Where in your life do you actively engage in a distraction(s)?
Is/are this/these distraction(s) filling a void or deepening it further?
What choices can you make to steer clear of distractive activities and maintain contact with your value system and goals?

~~~~
Let's look deeper.

It's not that the distraction (such as watching tv or reading a fashion magazine) has any immediate dramatic affect on your being. Like I said, it's subtle.
The changes are occuring in your energy level. The distraction absorbs your creative energy...without refilling you.
In essence, your being is excersicing itself in the same way it would if it was being productive excecpt without the benefits of being productive!

For when we are productive and exercise our creative source and burn up our creative energy (say from writing a short story to cleaning up the house) upon completion of our tasks, what we discover is a sense of renewal. Accomplishing the task brings us a sense of accomplishment, and peace. And in that moment our energy wells begin filling to the brim again!

I say all this because I have finally uncovered one of my most distractive activities. And because it has been revealed for what it is I can now tackle it and I am tackling it!
I am freed!
This habit will no longer haunt me!

I thank God for His amazing ways of revealing things to us, only when we are ready.
Ready I was! And now because I have abolished this distractive activity, I can take my creative source and carve more of the path He has set for me in this life!

I find my ability to focus has increased and my faith in completing my life's task has grown!
THANK YOU GOD!!

Thank you for reading...

25 Years of Holding it All In

I am creative person. Many call me an artist. There is that element to me yes, but mostly I am full of creation.

What a way to describe oneself. I am full of creation.
We ALL are full of creation. His creation.

Alas, let me focus on the title of this post, 25 years of holding it all in.
It does some tricks on the mind and body let me tell ya! I believe it is why I have such a creative drive.

The "bottled-up" affect allowed the creative part of my mind to devise a way to get the feelings out of the body since verbal expression was not being used. You could ponder which way it happened. Whether I decided not to speak and found I had to create or whether my creative side made me shut up so that I could use my unspoken voice to come out on the canvas. I believe the latter is true. My mom often tells the story of how she thought she was going to have to take me to the hearing doctor because she thought I was deaf because I was almost three before I began talking.

Either way, this inability to verbally express myself has been a blessing and a curse. Sometimes these unexpressed feelings become so intense that I feel I am going to crack in half, or my heart is going to implode. I literally feel myself going insane. I wonder really, if I am ever what one would call 'sane'?

Anyways, for many years my dear husband has educated me on how to bring my voice out. Like a sculptor he has been chiseling away at the granite. I thank him for that.

I only recognize his hard work now for I have gained some incredible perspective from a Toastmasters club that I am a part of at work. I have been in this club for about 10 months and am about to give my 5th speech. And what have I learned?

I have, after 25 years, finally altered a fundamental belief in me.

I always thought what I said didn't really matter. What a way to live one's life? How sad? What I say doesn't matter?
And you know what, the way I spoke reflected that belief. I taught people to ingore what I said, because I really didn't say anything, because it didn't really matter anyway right?

Wow, the insight goes deeper than that. Here I was, at Toastmasters, giving my 2nd speech. Talking about the things I had learned from reading the book The Power of Full Engagement. When I was finished speaking, the prominent leaders of the group~those that are excellent communicators~ came up to me and thanked me and were so appreciative of what I had shared because it had changed them. It had altered their perspectives. These people that I had great respect for, cared what I had to say and were moved by what I had said.

So I had touched their lives. Their hearts. Their minds. With my...voice.
It wasn't me. It was God, it was Christ. What I said in that speech that day, was what Christ had deemed me to say. And because God was in it, it moved and breathed and came to life and touched the hearts of the audience.

What is so amazing is I see those people who were affected by my speech changing and growing because of the doorway I opened for them in their hearts and minds~that God opened in them. Because of me...because of my voice? It is so facsincating.

So not only have I discovered that my voice is a powerful tool that I AM capable of exercising, but that it is imperative that I develop this attribute further. For God ordains it.
He has so much he wants to share through me using my voice.

Okay...I am all over the place in this blog post today. But that's okay.

I have so much I want to say. That makes sense, right? I mean, 25 years...years....
YEARS of not saying what was on my mind exactly how it was on my mind...of filtering and gauging and making sure that what I said was as generic and acceptable as possible, so as not to offend anyone or hurt anyone or to have an opinion of any sort...

I feel like the dam has broken and I fear that my words are just going to flood and drown everyone. But I must.
I must express what I feel, exactly how I feel, with my voice. And with practice I will learn balance.

I fear that I will lose part of my creative ability, but fear NOT I must.

For anything that causes one to grow deeper in themselves and Christ only opens up more to give and recieve. Only makes one greater and stronger and more alive.

I accept this challenge with a humble heart and am thankful to be so blessed to have a voice and know how to finally use it.

Thank you for reading. May He Light the next step in your path.

Weight

All things with mass carry weight, right? Yes. Did you also know that all energy carries weight? Did you know that 4 pounds of energy from the sun hits the earth every second? You can read all about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass%E2%80%93energy_equivalence

Okay, so energy carries weight? What about it? "What's it to ya?"

Well, every single thought you have is a synapse...an electrical impuse that sparks off in the mind. Thus, every single thought carries a weight. A substance that is real and tangible. A substance that breathes and is alive.

So the moral of the story:

Be careful what you think for, you just might get it!

Now on a more serious note:

The first step toward achieving a goal is to think of it.
The second step toward achieving a goal is to think it can be accomplished.
The third step toward acheiving a goal is to think you've already accomplished it.

For you have accomplished it on a quantum level. On the quantum level, where your synapse sparked in the mind, your thought came into existence and gained its life. And within every birth of life thus is contained it's death~or if you will~ it's completion.

Some people may call these affirmations...call them what you will.

I call them thoughts. And I give these thoughts a great weight in my mind and on my being. For Christ is in these thoughts, God is in these thoughts, all of creation is in these thoughts.

I recently posted that great things are to be accomplished this year. I will say it, I mean think it, again:

Great things I must accomplish this year.
Great things I will accomplish this year.
Great things for God has willed it.
In His light.
In His light.

Thank you for reading, it means a great deal to me. I am honored that you find what I write to be of value to you. What I write is inspired by Him. I am the vessel, He is the Will.

Love,

Blake

Welcome 2009

Two-thousand and nine. Two-thousand and nine years since the Birth of Christ. We must not forget...

~~~~~
We have a dry erase board at work that is placed in the concessional area where everyone gathers to get their coffee (I mean pay for their coffee) and other morning snacky activities.

At some point this past year I inherited the lovely task of decorating this dry erase board with upcoming events and the like. An honor I take seriously.

For Christmas I decorated the sign with a Mister Frosty and snowflakes and wrote:
"May your Holidays be Merry and Bright."

Can you get anymore Politically Correct than that? Perhaps.

I mean perhaps I did manage to offend someone with my depiction of frosty and the snow.

Alas, that is NOT the point of my post this evening!

Back to the point.

For New Year's I changed frosty's hat to a new years hat and wrote:

Welcome 2009!

And today I title my post the same.

WELCOME 2009

This is my stance. And that is my point.

I welcome this new year. I am thankful for my life and family and the tumultuous 2008 we just survived.

I am thankful for Christ carried us through.

I've turned many new leafs for this bright New Year. I am resetting my internal mindset and starting anew.

There are great things to be accomplished this year.

I must remain focused and on task.

Great things...

As I strive to continue walking in His Will and in His Light.