The Most Diffiicult Journey

I find that the most difficult journey while where are here on Earth is the one of developing our character.

We can learn all the skills and techniques to "succeed" in this life physically. Education for the big job. The big job for the cars and big house.

But to succeed in this life Spiritually, well that is another story.

And our character is just that, the execution of our Spiritual Self.

The only glimpse that anyone has into the heart of us.

And our hearts contain the gauntlet, for Eve so set forth the knowing of all things. Thus, in our hearts of hearts is all that is dark and all that is light.

We have a book, a book written for us out of Love. A book that helps us every step of the way, should we choose to use it.

That God came here to Earth as Christ and experienced the flesh and all that we battle with. He came to understand.

And once he understood, what did he do? He forgave us in the most inexplicable way and sacrificed Himself and His son so that we would have a way. A way through this life that helps us withstand the dark. That helps us walk in His light.

Jesus showed us the ideal character. He showed us the potential in ourselves.

I must go for now. I will write again soon.

Crossroads?

I am reading another book. I seriously need to create a book list. Each new book BLOWS my freaking mind. Every one of them have been meant for me to read. And the order in which I have read them was absolutely necessary. And they interweave so miraculously it cannot be a random occurrence of coincidences.

Let me illustrate this small proof. Our son's name is Aquila. A rare name, a rare son. Tonight, whilst reading this book Ascent of a Leader, what should I happen to read. His name. Spelled exactly how we spell it.

I told my husband a few months ago that I was meant to read this book. I found it randomly in the basement while cleaning out some boxes. I had never seen it before so I asked him about it. It had been given to him at a Bible study. I told him then, it is meant for me to read.

Tonight, I showed him just how meant it was. Aquila? Really, can this be found in literature often?

I will take the time, I will compose all these books and interweave their significance together.

Goodness, let me get to my point. I am utterly torn at the moment as to whether I should continue to pursue my art or if I should begin pursuing this.

Writing these things that are freaking ravaging my insides. I quake with revelations right now. Revelations I feel nauseatingly compelled to share. There's no other way to describe it. There is this deep nagging in my being that makes me tremble and shake.

I type here, time upon time. It seems I type into space. I thank my 1 follower for following. I suspect have 1 or 2 other followers who do not directly follow me, I thank you too.

What do I want? Not fame, not fortune, not success, not recognition.
I want to heal. I want to enable others to heal themselves.
I know that pain. That tear shrieking pain. Caused by isolation. Fear that no one loves you for YOU. That no one knows you for YOU. I battle with it too. So fiercely.

Let me step back here. God knows that me. Christ knows that me. And despite it ALL loves me just the same. How comforting.

Why is something so comforting so easy to loose sight of?

We Are Meant : Excerpt III

We are meant to expose and be exposed.

To stand naked before the rainstorm. That rainstorm being the views and critiques from others. The truths we fail to see in ourselves.

My most difficult struggle. Letting go. "BE"ing. Allowing you to see ~ me.
I am dreadfully afraid. For, I am not even sure if I see myself. How can I let you see me without being prepared?

Such is the nature of this course. For true humility, true compassion, true grace comes from this nakedness. Stripping all the facades, all the preconceived notions. Layer after layer after layer.

It's tiring! It's tiring to walk around with all these layers on. All these protective barriers.

It hurts you know. It hurts to open up that little place in the middle of my chest. That place where ALL LIFE resides. My furnace, my fuel source.

But wait, alas I see. You have that same special place in you that you protect dearly. I see, we are NOT so different. We are NOT so alone.

I will let go. Here forth doth fell my layers. My heart now exposed to the unknown path of this spiritual nakedness.


May His light inflame me. Light my way. Walk with me friend. Let us be free.

How to Avoid Getting Sick (for the rest of your life)

This is a critical post here. I want to share what I have discovered. I cannot guarantee you'll NEVER get sick again. I will say that you should notice a DRAMATIC decrease in the frequency of your colds if you apply ALLLLLLL these things to your routine. (Unless you have an auto-immune deficiency or any type of medical condition that affects your immune system.)

FIRST OFF, if you drink or smoke and plan to continue to do so, stop reading here you're wasting your time.

Smoking and drinking alcohol takes a devastating toll on your immune system and the method outlined below is simply not enough to help you heal your immune system if you are catching a cold. The most likely reason that you are catching your cold is because your immune system is so run down from the constant destruction you are inflicting upon it. (Hey, I know I'm being harsh but I can be because I have been there and done that and don't do it anymore)

ALSO LET ME NOTE, I AM NOT A DOCTOR OR PHYSICIAN, NOR ANYONE REMOTELY CERTIFIED TO GIVE MEDICAL ADVICE. CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR OR PHYSICIAN BEFORE TRYING THIS.

Now that the disclaimers are complete on to the good stuff.

FIRST STEPS TO NOT GETTING SICK:

Notice the early warning signs (any or all of these signs may be apparent):

1) A loss of taste (is your favorite meal not tasting so good to you today? You're trying to get sick!)
2) Loss of appetite
3) An increase in sneezing (often occurring with a strange tingle in the back of your throat and/or nasal cavity.
4) Strange tingling in the back of throat and/or deep in the nasal cavity (without sneezing)
5) Slight increase in irritability and/or slight depression

OKAY SO YOU'VE NOTICED THESE EARLY WARNING SIGNS, WHAT NEXT?

Immediately, and I do mean immediately. Stop consuming carbs and/or sugar of any kind.
Do not finish drinking that coke or sweet tea. No nibbling on ritz crackers. Quit the bread, pasta, and potatoes. STOP~~~ If you even think it might be a carb or simple sugar, then don't eat it/drink it!

Next, you'll need to invest in some of these: (again consult your doctor about taking these)

EmergenC energy packets

The best packets are the immune defense with Zinc which can be purchased here:

http://www.amazon.com/Emergen-C-Defense-0-3-Ounce-Packets-36-Count/dp/B000IXPT5A"

If you can't get those then get the regular vitamin C ones are almost just as good (they just take a little longer to fight off the bug):

http://www.amazon.com/Emergen-C-Vitamin-Fizzy-Orange-Packets/dp/B0009RF8LA/ref=dp_cp_ob_hpc_title_3


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Let's regroup now. So you've noticed you are starting to get sick. You quit consuming sugar. Now what do you do with these energy packets?

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Mix 1 packet with 8oz of orange juice. Try to make sure you use orange juice, though water is also an option. Sprinkle the packet in the top of the orange juice and stir SLOWLY to allow the fizzy affect to take place. DO NOT PUT THE PACKET IN FIRST AND THEN POUR IN THE JUICE. It will hinder the effects of the solution. I know this from experience and it will make the drink less effective on boosting your immune system.

Okay, you need to drink this drink. It is packed with immune building minerals and zinc. It's like steroids for your immune system! And it kicks-@ss!

NEXT STEP:

GET SLEEP. I cannot stress this enough. I do not know why this is the hardest step to follow for people. But listen, when you sleep at night your immune system rebuilds itself. If you do not give your immune system the time it needs to rebuild, then when you wake up you are running on low which will only tax your immune system further.
If you do not want to get sick, SLEEEEEEP. Turn the off the phone, cancel your plans. Ask your wife or husband to watch the children so that you can retire to bed early. Sleep is your BEST defense to what ever bugger is trying to have it's way with you. That coupled with the emergen-C packets and you are well on your way of beating that bug!

NEXT STEP:

Start your well rested morning off with protein. PROTEIN. We're talking eggs and bacon. Again, avoid carbs and sugar. Eat chicken for lunch. Salads are just fine too (although you need to pass on the dressing, many dressings contain high fructose corn syrup which can derail your efforts on avoiding catching that cold and the heavy oils will slow your immune system as your body processes them). PROTEIN has immune building properties which keep that ole immune system running smoothly during the day! Take advantage of them!

NEXT STEP:

Repeat these steps for as many days as you need to until you notice your early warning symptoms are gone. In my experience, usually 24 hours is all I need. And for those particularly stubborn buggers, up to 36 hours.


EXTRA NOTES:

Sometimes those little bugger colds can sneak in so swiftly that you can miss the early warning signs. At which point your early warning signs tend to be the sore throat or runny nose or both.
Welp, as long as you get started on this regimen immediately, you can still bat that bugger! In those cases where this has happened to me, I still started my emergen-c and protein and was able to get the sore throat/runny nose to go away within 24 hour with a max of 36 hours. (Though I must disclaim your results may vary)

Also, on particularly stubborn cold wanna-bee's I would take 2 energy packs in a day, one immune defense and a regular vitamin c packet. (I would not recommend 2 immune defenses in a day because of the Zinc content).

So those are my little ole notes on what I do to bat off those colds and buggers. And I've been using this method for over 7 years and have eliminated 95% of the frequency with which I use to catch a cold. I can't guarantee that this method will completely eliminate your colds 100% of the time, but I believe with more practice and awareness and discovery, I will find all the steps necessary to do so. I believe our bodies are incredible and that it is possible to take care of our bodies in such a way as to completely eliminate any chances of catching a cold. It can be done! And believing this is, of course, the first step to realizing this vision!

Thank you for reading! Give my method a try and let me know your results!

The Big Bad Flu Season -Hmmmmm

Here is my ole little solution to the big bad flu season. CONSUME LESS SUGAR!!!

I believe the reason the flu is so rampant this time of year is we humans begin a seasonlong consumption of sugar! Starting with Halloween. Then you have Thanksgiving. Pies, cakes, cocktails...then comes Christmas. More pies, cakes, and cocktails. Oh don't forget New Years! Cocktails, anyone? Then we take a little rest in January only to jump on that sugar roller coaster again for VALENTINES!! Mmmmm, Chocolate. And to wrap it allll up let's not forget Mister Easter Bunny!

Don't want the flu? Try to limit your sugar intake, especially high fructose corn syrup intake.

Now, for a really interesting post. I will share my self-proven way to practically abolish getting sick for the rest of your life. Curiosity peaked? Good. I'm not joking around no matter how hokey my post sounds.

Peace~

We are Meant -Excerpt II

We are meant to walk in the forest.

Trees are connected to Heaven and Earth.

Their energy is balanced.

When one walks through the forest one's energy is allowed to balance.

It's like a tuning fork.

The trees hum of oneness and as we walk through our bodies begin to resonate the same frequency.

Walking through the forest is also another vital way to calm one's storm of the mind.

The storm of the mind can be quite fierce and unrelenting.

Alas, with the forest one can have peace.

We are Meant -Excerpt I

We are meant to gaze upon the sky.

The quickest way to pull oneself out of the storm of one's mind is to glance upon the sky.

Transformation

I am a mother of two now. Our daughter was born 5/27/2010 at 12:48am.

Our son is 7 and absolutely adores her.

To have a son is one thing, to have a daughter is another.

I look at her tiny being and marvel. She looks nothing like me. I await in wonder as time unveils the origin of her genes. It seems she has my mother and grandmother in her. I wonder if she will keep her delightful brunette hair, I wonder whose toes she has and hands. Such a glowing beauty. I am humbled.

There are things I have learned since my first pregnancy. I would like to share.

I am calmer this time around. I understand the demands and let the demands shape me and mold me. Instead of fighting nature's law. Such as fighting for more sleep or fighting for a break from nursing. I lean into the demands. I give beyond myself to see what comes of it.

When she demands more nursing, we nurse. And I await to see what her body has told my body to do. I had to nurse several hours in a row before bedtime one night, the next night I nursed before bedtime and then we slept almost 4 hours before our next feeding. She knows more than I what needs to be done. I understand this dynamic between the two of us. If I am upset, she wants to nurse. Amazingly enough, she wants to nurse because she wants to calm mommy.

I'm more aware this time. My milk lets-down moments before she stirs from her slumber. I still have yet to figure out if I'm waking her up in those moments or if I'm sensing her awakening in those moments. Either way, it's pretty miraculous how in synch we are.

We use the sun to regulate. Little sun baths of 5 -7 mins a few times a day. They've helped clear up her jaundice. I read that baby's who poop a lot will clear their jaudice sooner. We've all heard how the sun helps clear up jaundice. Well, every time we gave her a sun bath, she would have a poop. It was fascinating. The sun was literally pulling it out of her body!

The sun is also helping her regulate her internal clock, with it she is learning to sleep more at night.

I do not find that I am "sleep deprived." We cosleep and she nurses when she needs to and then were able to drift off to sleep again.

I am more patient. Perhaps because I'm older, perhaps because I've done all this before. Or perhaps because I believe she is our last child and want to enjoy every single moment of this delicate age.

Such joy.

Destiny

One of my dear friends from work just celebrated her retirement party. I got to be the one in charge of handling all the details, from ordering the food to arranging her retirement memory book. It was a great exercise in skills that I am sadly incompetent in; namely planning and delegating. Alas, it turned out very well for my first serious planned event! Especially with me being 9 months pregnant and full of baby brain-itis!

All that said, I'd like to speak specifically to her memory book. It was a collection of memory cards from various people throughout the office. I wanted her book to be extra special so I collected a series of quotes to write and include in her book and drew up her favorite animals, horses and cats, and added quotes to those as well. It made for a lovely assortment of well wishes and positive thoughts to carry her on through her next life's chapter.

Amidst all the searching for really meaningful and thoughtful quotes I stumbled upon this one that struck me so deeply, well, I had to write about it!



“Sow a thought, and you reap an act; Sow an act, and you reap a habit; Sow a habit, and you reap a character; Sow a character, and you reap a destiny”

Charles Read

And what exactly did I take away from this quote?

That every thought is significant. Deeply significant. For the heart of our destiny is rooted in these thoughts.

Furthermore, every action we take from our thoughts is deeply significant.

This is tough to realize for we tend to go around in our lives with the cruise control on. Just taking it easy...doing this, doing that...getting some things done, some things not. No big deal, right?

Hmmmmm...

Then we hit one of those milestones.

Like the age of Thirty, or the age of Forty, or Fifty. Or a New Year comes along and we take that intimate moment to pause and reflect on our life's direction. And what do we find? We do we see?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...I'm this age? I've gone another year without doing that? I've gone another decade without doing that?


Yes, in those moments we digest the seriousness of the NOW. We wake up for a little bit to our life's perspective to see what cruise control does to our destiny. Namely, that cruise control DERAILS IT!!

The work, the hard work. Is to take each thought. To take each action with the same seriousness and awareness that we give to those milestones. To make milestones a daily event, a daily thought. A daily action.

It's about this precious journey, isn't' it? It's about the path. Not the end.

In those milestone moments we sentimentalize our life's journey. We say, "Awe, man. Life is fast! I sure would like to get that done before I die. Hmmmmm. Wow, how this life just goes and we can't put the breaks on."

No good. No good! WE MUST TAKE ACTION! In any moment that we feel the "drift" we must WAKE UP, think about what we're thinking~ shift it if necessary. Then ACT.

I thought. I thought of how important the meaning of this quote is. I thought of how I had to share this discovery. Then, I acted. I wrote this post. But there's more...oh so much more, isn't there?

That's the other difficulty. If we're to act, we must continually act. I'm so use to cruise control! It's so easy! But I've never been a fan of easy. lol

So what is next? Well, more posts! More sharing! More painting! More creating!

It's what I'm here for. It what we're here for!

You see that destiny of yours? It's waiting. It's calling your name. What thought can you have today that you can act on TODAY.

Then we'll discuss all the other parts of this quote. As if this isn't hard enough to think an act seriously, we still have to reap our character and destiny! Whewwww!

We can do it though. We were BORN to do it!

Pondering the Nature of Dreams

I dreamt last night of love so intense it woke me from my sleep and caused me weep.

I don't mean the love of a person, though a person was involved. The person was merely the conduit. The visual expression of this spiritual encounter. I closed my eyes and kissed them on the forehead and they spoke "I'm kissed."

I dreamt of love.

In it's purest most inexpressible form.

I wept for I was not alone.
I wept for I was safe.
I wept for I was comforted.
I wept for I was loved.
I wept for I had never experienced such miraculous intimacy.

I weep now remembering. So pure, so devastating.

Many years ago I had a similar spiritual encounter in a dream. I saw two mercury-like bubbles hovering over a pool of light. The two bubbles swirrled together around each other and a voice from somewhere said "The hugging of souls". I was one of the mecury-like bubbles...the other was unknown. I wept that night as well with the same intensity.

I cannot help but think that what I experienced last night was a moment with God. A moment in God. I wish everyone could feel what I felt. I wish everyone could know.

I wish I could return to that dream. To be held once more in the intimate grasp of eternity and light.

I know not the meaning of this dream. I only know that it was real and significant and has fundamentally altered me on a spiritual level...forever.

Let the Healing Begin!!!

I just finished reading a book.

Finding Angela Shelton

It's the true story of one woman's triumph over sexual abuse.

I am a survivor of sexual abuse.
I'm saying it now, I'm saying it out loud!
I was sexually abused as a child.
More than once, and by more than one person.

To keep silent is to let those whom abused me keep a sort of control on my life. My sub-conscious.
I encourage you, if you have been, to say it out loud. The only way we can beat this epidemic in our society is speak of it, make others aware, and fight against it.

I thought I was over it! I thought I had worked through my issues.

After reading this book I see the journey has really just begun.

Yet it is a journey that I welcome whole-heartedly.

I have the strength. I have the courage. I love this life too violently to let these circumstances of my youth continue to haunt and dim the the spirit in me.

More to come as my courage grows.

In His Light,

Blake

Right from the heart

I am working on many things currently. I imagine we all are, working on things...

I recently uncovered the next part of me that needs change. A most painful discovery.

I google searched the term self-pity. What prompted the search was a realization that an interview I had planned for and went through, was bogus. The interviewer had never intended to consider me, they were simply fullfilling an obligation to another person who thought I was right for the position. All unbeknownst to me until I decipered the body language...

I broke down in that moment of realization. Why did the interviewer bother? Why, I would have been able to handle a flat out rejection as opposed to a empty interview where I invested my heart and spirit and hope.

So I cried. I have been trying for 5 years now, off and on, to manuver into a position that aligns better with my person, my being. This position was a bright chance for me. And I didn't even have a chance from the get go, though I was led to believe so.

Alas, in the midst of my crying a thought pummeled me. "Why so sad about this? It was not meant, that is why it did not occur."

And then I realized, I enjoyed the crying. I enjoyed the pity. The 'woe is me.'

So I looked into self-pity.

What a startling revelation I uncovered!!
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As taken from wikipedia:

Self-pity is a way of paying attention to oneself, albeit negatively; it is a means self-soothing or self-nurturing ("I hurt so much").

Social-Learning theorists purport that self-pity is a method for gaining attention, probably as a child, where an individual received attention, support, and nurturing while being sick or hurt. The child then grows up having learned to give attention to oneself (or ask for attention from others) while in real or dramatized distress to receive the same payoff. Thus, another form of self-sustainment can be sympathy offered by others: "oh, you poor thing."

And now for the real kicker of this revelation (also from wikipedia):

The nature and depth of human pride are illuminated by comparing boasting with self-pity. Both are manifestations of pride. Boasting is the response of pride to success. Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering. Boasting says, “I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much.” Self-pity says, “I deserve admiration because I have sacrificed so much.” Boasting is the voice of pride in the heart of the strong. Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak. Boasting sounds self-sufficient. Self-pity sounds self-sacrificing.
The reason self-pity does not look like pride is that it appears to be needy. But the need arises from a wounded ego, and the desire of the self-pitying is not really for others to see them as helpless, but as heroes. The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. It is the response of unapplauded pride.

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Me? Prideful? Me boastful?
YES!

YES!

So proud to have sacrificed so much! To have continued in a position that utilizes few of my God-given talents so that I can earn a paycheck to sustain my family. To have "held it all in." To be unable to form an "opinion." To be incapable of making a decision that held my needs first. To have been strong in times when I was abused by others.

All so proud. Take pity on me. Love me for I am not weak, I am strong. Look at all these things I've withstood.

NOT ANYMORE!!!!

Pity is not an attribute to carry proudly. It is a disease! A disease that eats at one's dreams and leaves them rotting in one's heart.

I will pity myself no more. I will pity others no more.
What others are going through they are meant to be going through just as the things I am going through are meant for me to be going through.

To pity is to say "awe, poor thing, you don't deserve this circumstance. I feel so sorry for you."

It's not about deserving circumstance. It's about circumstance carving you, wielding you. Shaping you into the next part of yourself you are meant to be. To ignore it, is to pity it.

Look around you. Pity is everywhere. It is valued in others and by others.
Such a subtle force.
I imagine if I read through previous blog posts of mine I will find the subtle song of pity playing it's tune.

So what is proper? What is the solution to pity?

Anger? Should I be angry for all those years burned in the fires of self-pity?
Should I remorse loosing that part of me that comforted me so much?

I don't know the answer yet. I have to work through it. And when I have, I can share it!